I visited Paris, France for the first time last Spring. It was amazing! The food, the people, the art, the culture, the food, the architecture, did I mention the food? I didn’t know it was possible to enjoy something as much as I enjoyed eating croissants and crepes in France. Since coming back I have tried about ten different places to try and find a croissant that tasted like the ones I had in Paris. So far I’ve found nothing! But I did buy a crepe maker and a Julia Child cookbook to try and recreate the French food paradise I experienced while I was there.

One of the interesting things about Paris was the round about located around the Arc De Triomphe. As my friends and I were lining up with all of the other tourists trying to get our Instagram pictures just right I realized there were cars coming at us from a ton of different angles. I later learned that the round about at the Arc De Triomphe is the most famous roundabout in France and one of the most famous in the entire word. It’s called the Place de l’Étoile (or Place Charles de Gaulle), which circles the Arc de Triomphe. The 101-year-old Étoile, which means “Star,” is an intersection of 12 avenues and was the world’s first roundabout.

As I’m standing there in the middle of the street (because you have to do it for the Gram) I quickly realized this wasn’t your typical round about. The normal round about rules were reversed. The incoming traffic had the right of way, while the traffic already in the circle had to wait. Somehow their system has worked for over 100 years but that didn’t make me feel any more comforted as cars were coming at me from what felt like a hundred angles.

I wonder if sometimes that’s how the people who work for us feel.

Have you ever just done a “drive by” with one of your team members and started firing off questions and directives like there was a prize for the most questions in a minute? That sense of panic and fear that I felt at that round about is how we make our teams feel sometimes when we start rapid firing to them.

Instead of shooting from the hip and rapid firing questions, ideas, and thoughts to your team, next time try thinking hard about what you really need to know and ask them one question or give one statement or directive. And give them time to think of the answer. In fact don’t say anything at all when you ask the question. And then if you still need more information ask another question and wait for the answer to that question.

Sometimes pausing and letting others think and answer can give them the peace and protection they need to give a more thorough, helpful answer.

Our silence as leaders can create a safe place for others to bring their best self and their best ideas.

Be curious about listening, not about controlling the conversation.

If we can learn to close our mouths maybe those we are having conversations with will learn to open their mouths.

I’m sure most of you can relate, but in team meetings often times the person who has sat silent the entire meeting will end up sharing the most useful thing in the end. We can take that and apply it to our one on one meetings as well. If we are constantly talking how can we learn anything from those we are leading? And remember you hired them for that job so they should have something that you can learn from.

One more thing. If you ask a question but don’t listen to the answer you lose trust and credibility with those you lead. By asking questions and genuinely being interested in the answers you are modeling empathy for your entire team.

“You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.” – M. Scott Peck

Rapid fire questions and comments are great for speed dating events, but not for leaders who want to make their teams feel safe and protected.